Final Exam I woke up this morning as if into a daze and before me, held in my sleepy hands was a math and physics final exam. Thinking myself to be awake and the test to be as real as can be told I looked upon the /two pages/ of instructions. At first they seemed normal the standard fare for an exam. Then I got to the part about the "super pencil." The super pencil?!? my mind asked as if in puzzlement. So I followed the asterisk to the footnote at the top of the previous page and discovered that I needed not just any writing instrument but a plastic spoon from a Wendy's restaurant! Said the instructions: "Only answers written with the super pencil shall be accepted. "Also, numbers will not appear anywhere on this exam as they are trivial and intuitively obvious. "They are mere representations and, thus, therefore, QED /ergo llama/ they have no purpose." It was at this point that I began to wonder what I had been missing by /going/ to class... So I went to Problem 76-R and then instantly realized after a few moments that I was not in an exam room no, not even in a building much less my bedroom still. Yes, in a parking lot. And there were proctors and deans chasing me as I completed the "snap-reverse" in my little golf-cart to escape the fact that I was not supposed to have looked at the exam which was now attacking my leg. Yet I had not done anything wrong for the Department of Food Services had been the ones who passed out the exam along with the lettuce. So I went on with the questions solving for the elephants (which had gotten themselves thrown off of the Twin Towers) falling up into the sky. And the frictionless sandpaper being used to find the lost continent of Mu? Yet also finding the irrotational /velocity/ of the massless train locomotive. What is this? queried my mind puzzled beyond its wits by this seeming consistency in science. "Del cross D dot H Laplace 9 times i dot d-phi d-K" solved one of the problems. And "George Washington" solved another. Ah, now we're getting somewhere! /There's/ a math answer! So I handed the test back to me and drifted off into dreams of eternity and infinity... And then the elephants landed on me. (C) Bruce Caruthers 1989 Ver. 1 Rev. 0 SA05201989.1227-PU